Welcome

By Dana Rademacher, intern at The Emily Program

“Gardening is the most therapeutic and defiant act you can do…plus you get strawberries.” -Ron Finley, Ted Talk: A guerilla gardener in South Central LA

Let’s be honest here for a second, I do not have the best track record when it comes to gardening and caring for plant life. I always get excited by the idea of gardening, but when push comes to shove, I’m just no good at keeping anything alive. I have the opposite of a green thumb if there is such a thing. Being busy between work and school, it is hard to find time to learn which plants are best for the climate, which fertilizer to use, or to even pay attention to the rain-to-sun ratio every day.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Liz Rognes, a former Emily Program client in recovery. She is a teacher, writer, and musician who lives in Spokane, WA.

My one-year-old son loves mealtime. He sits in his high chair, picks up a piece of macaroni or an orange or pieces of fish, brings it to his mouth, and then looks at me with big eyes and says, “Mmm!” He takes another bite and again exclaims, “Mmm!” If his dad is in the room, he’ll say, “Dada?” and my partner will say, “Yeah, buddy?” and he’ll say, “Mmm!” He wants to communicate with us, to share his happiness about this food he’s eating. He marvels at the new and familiar tastes, he looks at me with joyful surprise when he feels a new texture, and he claps his hands when he sees me preparing one of his favorite foods.

By Dana Rademacher, intern at The Emily Program

“Rest isn’t idleness. To lie outside in summer listening to water murmur, or watching clouds float, is hardly a waste of time. – J. Lubbock”

Ah, summer, you are finally here! As the dog days of summer are fast approaching, people start taking more vacations, going to the beach, and spending as much time relaxing with loved ones as possible. Unfortunately, the summertime isn’t a fun and relaxing season for all, especially when you are struggling with an eating disorder or another mental illness such as depression or anxiety. It can be filled with a perceived pressure to have the busiest, most exciting summer ever, with added pressure to look “perfect” or “bikini ready.” These types of pressure aren’t beneficial for anyone. To help combat these summer stressors, here are a few non-food related ideas to help you relax and have more summer fun!

Illustration credit: Casey Foote

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Clare Harmon, a former Emily Program client, and woman in recovery

Two weeks ago I assisted at a performing arts day camp for adolescent girls. They learned theory, instrumental technique, rehearsal skills, and performed songs made famous by Nina Simone, Irma Thomas, and Ella Fitzgerald. In my last entry, I wrote about my first day there, and here, now, I still consider the experience a transformative one. All cliché aside, music is super great.

At The Emily Program, our registered dietitian nutritionists work with clients to help them heal their relationships with food and physical selves. Incorporating the proper mix of nourishment into their daily lives helps their bodies and minds begin to recover and function the way they are naturally meant to.

Our 24/7 residential treatment center in Cleveland, Ohio is officially open! Our staff has put in many, many months of hard work creating a warm, inviting environment for clients. We are pleased with the outcome and believe The Emily Program – Cleveland Residential will provide clients with the resources, treatment, and space to begin to heal.

Photo credit: Clare Harmon

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Clare Harmon, a former Emily Program client, and woman in recovery

Before I launch into the topic du jour—recovery as reclamation—I’d like to tell you a story about my pre-recovery, pre-treatment life. Once upon a time, I studied music. I mean, I really studied it. Once upon a time, I practiced between five and eight hours a day; subordinated everything to the viola. Once upon a time, I gave myself to music. I worked hard, eked out a meager living playing weddings, subbing with various mid-tier orchestras, and teaching lessons at a small liberal arts college. Once upon a time, I went to music school and subsequently tried to “make it” as a classical violist.

Two weeks ago, I wrote about a job I applied for (spoiler alert: they didn’t hire me) in the Lower Ninth. The same week I interviewed for that job, I was hired by my current employer—a stellar community school on Broad Street—to teach music fundamentals. At the time (and unfoundedly so), I was disappointed. I had it in my head that I would make a clean break from music, that I’d transfer my love of teaching to the language arts, to poetry, literature, the humanities. Music—all music—represented something destructive, a past that exacerbated my eating disorder and nearly killed me. I’m done with you, I thought. I’m on to greener pastures, a sparkling fantasy world where no one ever hurts and fancy unicorns expunge traumas grand and small. I’m leaving music far behind for pursuits clean, unsullied by my untidy young adulthood. I am a musician by economic, rather than ideological, necessity. As a colleague once callously announced, “I only play the viola if I get paid.”

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Liz Rognes, a former Emily Program client in recovery. She is a teacher, writer, and musician who lives in Spokane, WA.

There is great pressure on women to gracefully and effortlessly do it all—to find the elusive, delicate balance that will keep everything in its place. As a working mother in recovery from an eating disorder, I am very aware of those cultural pressures. It’s hard to measure up, and it can feel sometimes like I’m being judged from all directions: a student gives me a scathing evaluation, another mom thinks I plan to wean too soon (or not soon enough), someone in the grocery store glares at me when my baby starts screaming, a visitor to our house remarks that our lawn looks too dry, and so on. Some of those pressures come in the form of explicit messages, some of them come from societal presentations of femininity and motherhood, and some of them come from my own lingering feelings of insecurity.