Posts Tagged “Guest Bloggers”

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

Recovery Conversations is a question-and-answer series that shares voices and stories of eating disorder recovery. Here former Emily Program client Ashley H. describes how she defines recovery, corrects a common misconception about eating disorders, and offers advice to those struggling.

How do you define recovery?

Freedom!! Recovery is freedom in every sense – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s not just freedom to eat whatever I want without using behaviors (though that is AWESOME; I can’t believe I missed out on so many good foods when I was sick), but it’s also freedom to live without self-criticism and self-hate. My eating disorder took up so much time and mental energy, and it is so liberating to live free from that prison. Food no longer keeps me from living the life I want to live and doing the things I want to do. I never thought that was possible for me.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story. Everyone will have unique experiences on their path to recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Ariel Selwyn

Professionals say that an eating disorder is often a combination of genetics and an environmental trigger. At 18 years old, in fall 1997, I broke up with a boyfriend of 1½ years. That breakup was the trigger to an eating disorder that would go on for 22-plus years. At that time, I was very sheltered and I don’t think I even knew what an eating disorder was.

When you are suffering with an eating disorder, you need support. Unfortunately, my mother and stepfather told me the eating disorder was a sin in my life, which caused more guilt and shame because I couldn’t fix it. If it was a sin, why couldn’t I stop? My father and stepmother never spoke to me about it. They obviously saw that I was struggling but never said one word. Not one of my four parents got me professional help, which is what I desperately needed.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story. Everyone will have unique experiences on their own path to recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

This poem was submitted anonymously by a former Emily Program client.

I wrote “When I Said” when I began treatment for anorexia four years ago. I felt guilty for the lies I used to cover up my eating disorder behaviors, but I learned to see that deception and manipulation were actually part of my illness.

Now when I read this poem, I see two voices speaking. One is my eating disorder and the other is my true, healthy self. Today I’m thankful that my voice is much louder than the eating disorder’s.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story. Everyone will have unique experiences on their own path to recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

These poems were submitted anonymously by an Emily Program client.

An Apology to My Home

Dear body,

I am so sorry. I almost don’t know where to begin. I have put you through so much. And I hate to say it, but I’m going to put you through more as I try to fight this. And I will fight this.

 All you have ever done is try to support me.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, or symptom use. Please use discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed. 

Emily Formea is a writer and coach passionate about eating disorder recovery, food freedom, and self-love. She is the author of Gaining a Life: The Untold Story of My Eating Disorder & Recovery, available on Amazon, and the host of the To The Girl podcast. To learn more about Emily, find her on Facebook and YouTube.

Your eating disorder THRIVES off stress.

Don’t believe me?

When do you feel most likely to restrict? When do you feel most likely to binge? When do you feel most likely to make yourself sick, start a new diet, limit your food, binge in secret, weigh yourself, weigh yourself again?

When you are stressed, my love. I know this because I do the exact same thing.

During times of stress, we want to have a constant. It’s human nature. We like routine, we like constants, we like ‘norms’ and ‘usuals’—and if you’re a bit more wound-up than the average person, like I am, then you also like control.

We love being in control. It brings us a sense of balance and self-management. When we feel most out of control with our emotions or the world around us, we want to control something to make up for it.

Enter your eating disorder.

**Content warning: Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

By Kaitlyn Rose

Be Full

This emptiness that calls
with such urgency
is a lie,

A false promise of safety
and the ability
to Breathe
amidst
the pain.

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

Rachel Freeman is a special education teacher, poet, creator, and lover of life. She is the author of The Hunger, a compilation of poems about identity, body image, and eating disorder recovery.

Here Rachel shares a few of her poems, as well as advice for others struggling with an eating disorder. 

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, or symptom use. Please use your own discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

Bronwen Clark is a Los Angeles-based writer and therapist. She is the author of Don’t Be Weird, a memoir that follows her journey through treatment and toward eating disorder recovery. Find Bronwen @bforboundless on Twitter.

Here Bronwen opens up about the purpose and process of writing Don’t Be Weird, and shares with us a selection of excerpts.