I Am Fed Up: My Eating Disorder Recovery Diaries: A Q&A with Cate Triendl

**Content warning: This is one person’s story; everyone will have unique experiences in recovery and beyond. Some stories may mention eating disorder thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms. Please use your discretion when reading and speak with your support system as needed.

Cate is a writer from Edinburgh, Scotland. She regularly publishes articles on her own blog—Wee Scottish Diaries—where she shares stories about bonnie Scotland, her life with a cat, and her passion for baking.

Being affected by mental health issues herself, she wants to use the power of words to raise awareness and reduce the stigma around eating disorders. You can buy her poem collection, I Am Fed Up: My Eating Disorder Recovery Diaries, here.

Tell us about your book, I Am Fed Up: My Eating Disorder Recovery Diaries!

Writing is a great tool for me to cope with my intrusive thoughts. So, a while ago, I started writing poems whenever I was distressed. It helped me a lot to clear my mind by simply putting my thoughts on paper.

I’m still in the midst of my recovery; nevertheless, I decided that I wanted to share my poems with others who might be affected themselves or who know someone who is. There is still a lot of stigma around eating disorders, and I hope that by publishing my poems, I can do my bit in raising awareness.

The book features 50 poems, and there is also an accompanying playlist. So you can listen to some great tunes whilst reading.

What first led you to start writing poetry during recovery?

I first started sharing some of my poems with family and friends. I know how hard it can be for loved ones to offer the right support, as it’s often a mystery for them to understand how an eating disorder impacts a person.

So, with those poems, I found a way to better express what’s going on inside me: my daily struggles and inner demons around exercising, body image, and food. I got very positive feedback and then thought about the wider community. What if I could help others, too, to make sense of an eating disorder and also show those affected that they’re not alone in these fights?

Walk us through how one of your poems came to be—what sparked it, and how it unfolded?

I remember I had a very bad body image day, one where I felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. I could feel the anxiety creeping up during the day. To calm myself down, I was listening to Queen. When their song “Fat Bottom Girls” came up, I suddenly felt like changing it to “Slim Bottom Girls”, which is a great title for a poem on body image.

In the poem, I try to fight the negative body image thoughts that we create in our heads to transport myself back to reality. Leaning on the fact that our body is merely a vessel for our soul and inner values. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and that’s something we should actually cherish.

What do you hope readers walk away with after reading your book?

With the book, I’d love to connect with others who might share a similar story to mine. The poems really help me to reconnect with myself and to find out what I need and want moving forward. I think that with the book, people can get a better understanding of the scope of eating disorders and mental health issues in general. We all have experienced intrusive thoughts or anxiety at some point, and we shouldn’t feel ashamed of them.

Plus, my poems always have a positive ending, as I do believe that there is hope for everyone. It’s what keeps me going in recovery.

Can you share a poem from the collection with us?

Slim Bottom Girls

It’s a sickly obsession.
About our bodies.
We’ve all done it.
Deep down, we want to be skinny.

It’s a constant comparison.
With others around us.
The desire to be smaller than.
To be the slimmest.

But why is that?
Because society says so.
It’s what others expect.
So what?

We project it on ourselves.
And become overly conscious.
We examine our body.
And we always find parts we dislike.

The talk about body image never stops.
It’s hard to escape.
Our feeds are stuffed with it.
People posing, people pretending.

Have you tried the latest diet?
Have you done your daily workout?
Trends come and go.
It’s hard to keep up.

But all this is far from reality.
It’s what we are made to believe.
And we do.
No question asked.

The reality is that we are all unique.
There is no one-size-fits-all.
Create your own box.
And make yourself comfortable in there.

Others don’t really care.
They see you.
They might judge you.
They move on.

They are more worried about themselves.
Then they are about you.
That’s a fact.
So stop stressing about it.

Your body is your earth suite.
Your instrument.
To keep you alive and functioning.
It’s not an ornament.

Take up the space you need.
No matter how big or small.
It’s your own space.
And you deserve it.

Embrace your body.
With all its flaws.
Be grateful for it.
You are beautiful the way you are!

What message would you share with someone who might feel hesitant to share their recovery story?

I’ve always been quite open with my struggles, as I think the more we talk about mental health, the better. I do understand that it can be quite hard to find the right words in describing what you’re going through, and you might also be scared of how others might react.

But I find it immensely inspirational and motivational to hear from others who have a similar experience. What helped them get through the day? How did they manage to stay persistent, and what obstacles did they have to overcome? There is no one-size-fits-all solution to it. We all write our own recovery story, and we should be proud of sharing it.

We want to hear your voice of recovery! If you are interested in participating in our Recovery Conversation series, please email blog@emilyprogram.com to learn more.

If you or a loved one is experiencing an eating disorder, help is available. Reach out to The Emily Program today by calling 1-888-364-5977 or completing our online form.